Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
