my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
