How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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