He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
