Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
