Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
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You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
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Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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