Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
