instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
