Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
