it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
All I want is dick and wine.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
