jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
