Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
