I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
