I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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