I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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