I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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