had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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