THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
