if i can run in heels then i can drive
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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