I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think my vagina is haunted
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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