That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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