Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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