So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
