My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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