I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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