Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
