Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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