i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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