apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
