My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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