I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
