I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
