The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
