Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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