thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
