I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
