omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
