I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
