a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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