If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
