Umm I'm too high to move.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
