I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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