Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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