Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
