I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize