I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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