Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
