He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
