I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
