I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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