I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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