When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
