totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
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So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize