remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
