he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Who put my cat in the fridge?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
