the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
