I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
