yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
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Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
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There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Alive.
So much puke
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize