i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
