So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
