Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
