I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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