and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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