I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
