I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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