We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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