Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
