i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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