he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
