tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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