Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
