her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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