2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i love accidental penises.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
