arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
